I feared death 
The most 
That insomniac night
As the silence kept spreading 
Slowly
Thus the more anxiously
During the small 
Lonely hours 
Before dawn
A deeply red liquid 
In a transparent base
Blood infecting clear water
Or the other way around
Would be the most obvious
Metaphor 
Also standing for
Life energy 
Irrevocably dispersed into 
The formless 
Finger-slipping fabric 
Of space

I feared death 
The most
That night 
I knew it was coming 
Not sometime 
In a prefferably more 
Distant future
Like can be said of all 
Beings
But soon
In a matter of days
At most
When a body lies down in pain 
And stops taking not just food
But water
There is no more denying it
The best you can do is hope
For a miracle
Or else just a little more 
Time 
Among the living
Bodies not just souls   
The latter seems almost selfish
Without also praying 
Even more fervently 
For the numbing of pain

I feared death 
The most
That night 
The ones that followed I grew
More accustomed to the fear 
Or maybe I just 
Learned to better
Push it down under 
The seemingly serene surface 
Of conscious thought  
So I could still
Pretend to operate 
On a more or less
Normal basis 
In the day to day
Who ever has time to stop 
And mourn
In advance
Even after the fact 
Is a luxury
Seldom afforded for pets
Even less so
Those you cannot actually 
Call your own

I feared death 
The most 
That night
Monday to Tuesday
I think
But it waited until Friday 
After a faint glimmer of hope 
The evening before
I guess it did not 
Want to give up
The grand privilege of coming
Unexpectedly
In this lies 
Most of its power
You know

I feared death 
The most 
That night
Having to stand 
This time bravely
Nakedly
For as long as it took
Staring deeply into the eyes of 
Inescapable transiency 
The one inscripted in every 
Ebb and flow of nature
To which all must give 
Way to
Before finally taking that long 
Awaited seat 
In the smoothed 
Bark-like palms of 
Eternity

Sweet soul 
I didn't get to witness your last
Earthly breath 
I just take comfort in hoping
The recently bought 
Round of painkillers
Managed to make your final
Moments  
A little bit easier 
A little bit brighter
Now you can soar 
Towards the sun
Little saviour 
Tarany 
What lies beyond I'm sure
Will erase all pain
For what remains behind 
Is another matter
At least for now
 
(2022)

Sursă foto: Pixabay.com

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