in another life
I think I would have liked to be 
a dancer
like the white ballerinas in the
famous paintings  
I knew nothing about 
until some years back
someone said a certain 
picture of mine
reminded them of Degas 
maybe then I would have 
learned much earlier 
to viscerally enjoy music 
without words   
to taste
the sinuous reverberating notes 
of not just a piano
but also a violin 
a cello or a harp
and I wouldn't have felt like 
a complete fraud
for being enthralled with something
the structure of which has not become
transparent enough
to be torn to pieces 
and put under the microscope
so it can then be safely explained away 
intellectually
because everyone knows
that only being a connoisseur 
earns one the legitimate right of enjoying 
any type of art

in another life
I think I would have liked 
to be a dancer
maybe then I would have managed to
master that perfect balance 
between beauty 
and strength
that I used to envision
and dream of embodying when
reading Gone with the wind 
and at some level
probably still do 
the paradoxical epitome of
mainstream femininity  
superhuman resilience 
in the precious 
almost unattainable dress 
of delicate form
as it is though
I must make peace with the fact
of having laid that ideal to rest
at least for myself 

in another life
I think I would have liked 
to be a dancer
so as to obliviously perform 
on an actual stage 
not to be seen by people
but in spite of it    
caught in a trance of my own
inner music
and finally able to take it 
to its very last consequences 
mad as they might be  
maybe this would have achieved
what the short lived acting classes 
I took when I was twenty 
and shy
or rather too self-conscious
never could

in another life 
I think I would have liked
to be a dancer
I remember someone saying 
I had the proper feet curvature 
for ballet
which was funny 
not only because I had never thought 
of there being such a thing
but in the day to day life
I just looked at this particular feature
as something to be overcome
yes maybe
had I started taking classes in time
I would have discovered that 
the discipline and stamina 
I once used in other pursuits
and even still do at times
only in a less striking way
were also what actually makes 
a ballerina
or maybe not
it is possible that 
the strain of such a life would have
proved entirely too much 
for my body and mind
or the other way around
I guess I'll never know 
and it's probably for the best 

(2021)

Sursă foto: Unsplash.com

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