I have eluded you for so long
ever since I met you I think
when the quiet hours seemed 
to stretch into the night
expanding along with the 
indefinite awaiting
I would do anything to cover 
your face
your eyes
but most of all 
your mouth
which kept breathing my air 
in and out
at the same time
of course at some point I understood 
you were only a visitor
bothersome yet transient 
so I reluctantly started befriending you 
bit by bit 
I stopped panicking when you came 
to visit
announced and unannounced
I just shrugged my shoulders 
and gave you the most indifferent 
side glance I could muster
while inwardly vowing 
that damn
I would mind my own business 
even if forced to stare at you
blankly
all through dry family dinners
you let me do as I pleased
but kept coming back
as if to show me 
you'd always be there
no matter what
until unnoticeably
I started flirting with you 
for hours and days at a time 
mindlessly sinking
giving in to your whispers
that I couldn't quite make out 
it was a pretty accurate tasting
but artificial nonetheless
for I always knew how it would end
that is
in my crumbling and flight 
taking refuge in fear's 
withered embrace 
in the following years 
I slowly came to the conclusion 
that I actually needed you
I didn't know if it was just 
force of habit 
or it had always been there
honestly I didn't much care 
I would just play with you 
for a day or two
carefully monitoring my time
then let you go 
until the next call 
not even thinking about 
where you’d roam
in between apparitions 
it wasn’t until recently
that I really took you in
of course not quite willingly
at first
but as a natural outcome 
of circumstance
mundane and divine
as it very often happens
this time you came smilingly 
in a radiant blur
taking your long awaited seat
on my living room couch
knowing full well
now was your time 
at first I didn't notice anything 
different from before 
until I realised it was 
at last
just the two of us
no more fear in sight
so I sat down too 
and finally looked at you 
without averting my gaze
I saw you were not scary
just real 
naked and raw 
as you always wanted me to be
and tried to help me become
by having me look into your eyes
to see myself
and see the world
microcosm and macrocosm 
so perfectly entwined
not a hair out of place
everything in line
no reason to fear 
no reason to fret
it all comes so clear
out of the depth
so now I smile and even laugh
while you caress 
and show me this 
and show me that 
you don't need words 
fancy or small 
just a brisk mind
and quietude 
my teacher
my solitude

(2021)

Sursă foto: Million-wallpapers.com

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